Your Republican Party

Courting the Rapist Vote

Seeing as how this is my final pre-election column and courting undecided voters — a demographic, I’m convinced, largely fabricated for the convenience of 24-hour news networks — is an increasingly Sisyphian endeavor, I’m pretty much resigning myself to getting as much information out there regarding how f***ing terrible Republicans have become, and what it would mean for the country if one of their own was elected in the near future.

Republicans, you see, wholeheartedly endorse rape.

This is not hyperbole, this is not exaggeration. This is not spin, this is not twisting, bending and certainly not breaking the truth. This is a position, stated by a few, reinforced by the acquiescence of the many, that has been implicitly embraced by today’s Republican Party, a group of misogynistic, flop-sweating maniacs, and a group that holds sway over national policy decisions.

To reiterate, this — unlike establishing marriage as a union between one man and one woman, defining a human life as having begun at conception, etc. — is not an official plank of the GOP platform. But a party that fails to tangibly reprimand its own members for saying stupid, incredibly offensive, incredibly wrong stuff like this, is a party that establishes itself an endorsement of such sentiments.

What? Of course I have a list. What column did you think you were reading?  

1. Representative Todd Smith

The Stupid: “Pressed by a reporter on how he would handle a daughter or granddaughter becoming pregnant as a result of rape, Smith said he had already “lived something similar to that” in his family.

“She chose life, and I commend her for that,” he said. “She knew my views. But, fortunately for me, I didn’t have to… she chose the way I thought. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t rape.”

When a reporter asked Smith to clarify what kind of situation was similar to becoming pregnant from rape, the candidate responded, “Having a baby out of wedlock.”

He added, “Put yourself in a father’s position. Yes, it is similar.” (Slog)

Todd Smith has such a poor understanding of sexual consent, he sees no problem with duct-taping a bagel to the bed before he finger-bangs it. Every time his wife says “Not tonight,” he feels like he’s the one that’s been raped.

No man forced himself upon Todd Smith’s daughter. However poor you think her decision to bear a child outside of wedlock may be, she consented to having a penis inside of her, and she is now reaping the results of that willful act. Equating this situation to rape is like comparing a nature film on the mating habits of Arctic wolves to an anime involving forced werewolf sodomy. The common denominator is tenuous, at best.

The important part here is the end. After dancing around this ridiculous comparison for a moment, Smith comes right out and says it: out-of-wedlock pregnancy is similar to rape. There you have it, folks: an admittedly sizeable inconvenience stemming from a consensual act is nearly indistinguishable from a violent, demoralizing, traumatic, potentially life-destroying act.  

2. Representative Todd “The Original” Akin

The Stupid: “First of all, from what I understand from doctors [pregnancy from rape] is really rare… If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”

Akin said that even in the worst-case scenario  —  when the supposed natural protections against unwanted pregnancy fail  —  abortion should still not be a legal option for the rape victim.

“Let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work, or something,” Akin said. “I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.” (Politico)

I’ve been over this already, so I’m not going to harp on it much. And besides, that putrid, stringy turd that passes for a sentence up there should speak for itself. Just read it… over and over and over again.  

3. Senate Candidate Richard Mourdock

The Stupid: Indiana Republican Senate candidate Richard Mourdock said Tuesday when a woman is impregnated during a rape, “it’s something God intended.” Mourdock was asked during the final minutes of a debate whether abortion should be allowed in cases of rape or incest. He replied: “I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that’s something God intended to happen.” (Politico)

Since I usually begin by making fun of an asshole’s personal appearance, let me get this out of the way: Richard Mourdock looks like someone made a fondant sculpture out of Pat Boone, then left it under a sun lamp. That felt good.

Anyway, what the s**t, Mourdock?! It’s getting to the point now that the only explanation for all of this is that Republicans made a bet amongst themselves to see who could make the most offensive, ignorant, hateful statement and get away with it. This pasty zombie tried to walk back his statements the next day, saying that anyone who thought that God intended rape has a sick and twisted mind, and that his comments were taken out of context, misconstrued, blah blah blah.

Except no, that’s exactly what Mourdock said, and it’s exactly what he meant: that if you are raped, and a pregnancy results from the rape, God personally sent that rapist to do the deed. Mourdock’s words; not mine, and definitely not God’s.

The worst part of all this? Instead of being told to go to hell where they belong, these guys are getting primo backing from conservative groups. After a flaccid show of feigned outrage at Akin’s comments, the RNC is fully supporting him. Hell, Mitt Romney personally cut an ad for Richard Mourdock. Not an I-approve-this-message type of thing, but his actual talking head saying the words, “I support Richard Mourdock.”

But you know, maybe I’m just being shortsighted. Maybe trying to redefine rape in order to withhold basic healthcare provisions from thousands and thousands of women, suggesting that women’s reproductive systems have a natural defense against rape sperm, and that God endorses rape, is just some sort of evil genius long-game. No one, after all, actively courts the rapist vote, but I’m sure they do vote. And Republicans need all the help they can get.You Might Also Like: