Reading Books

  This time of year, news organizations receive a lot of self-important emails, what with all the politicians coming out of the woodwork. “I sing the song of myself,” they sing. And they sing. And they sing. You’d be surprised how excited grown men and women can become over the slightest endorsement, or how eager they can be to pass along the fact that so-and-so did such-and-such. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think that bragging and tattling were the only two qualities needed to run for office, and who’s to say, really, that you do know any better? But among the many qualifying announcements received this election season, none came close to the one submitted by Columbia County Republican Party Chairman Brian Slowinski, who… well, the subject line of his email pretty much says it all. “Slowinski did his duty, then Qualified for School Board.” Obviously, doing his duty was a reference to his job as party chairman and should in no way be taken to mean any kind of school-aged euphemism for, you know — doing your duty, but even still, how could you not want to read more of that? The email, penned by Slowinski, certainly lays out a compelling story. “In front of God, family and flag, Brian did his duty as Republican Party Chairman to qualify 12 candidates in 20 hours for the ballot, then filed the paperwork to run for the non-partisan school board.” While that might seem impressive, it pales in comparison to what follows. “A Leader as: Local Chair, District Treasurer, State Committeeman, Scholar and spokesman for Republican and Conservative organizations shows I am ‘solid, tested, red white and blue conservative for the school board.’” With all that going for him, you can almost forgive the grammatical missteps. After all, who can proofread when you’ve got so much to tell? After that little slip into first person, the email quickly gets back on track, talking about his kids (six adopted children from 14 to 5) and his understanding of the needs of Columbia County schools. And just in case anyone might doubt it, he makes it quite clear that he is fiscally conservative and an avid proponent of a healthy and drug-free learning environment (thank God somebody is!) where diversity is celebrated. And according the county’s final qualifying report, he likes to be known as “Books.”You Might Also Like: