A Festivus for the Rest of Us

For those of you who don’t remember, Festivus is the holiday George Costanza’s family celebrated instead of Christmas. Instead of a tree, there’s a bare aluminum pole (bare, because George’s father found tinsel distracting) and instead of singing Christmas carols there’s the ritual airing of grievances. In other words, it’s the perfect holiday for Augusta commissioners, especially Bill Lockett and Alvin Mason, who managed to bring back all that stuff we’d almost forgotten about. The TEE Center parking deck. The management contract. The land trade. The $7 million lien. Thanks to the Forensic Audit Subcommittee, it’s all back, and Lockett seemed to be in a particularly festive Festivus mood during the meeting. The airing of grievances? It’s better to give than to receive. When the staff appointed to the subcommittee recommended focusing the scope of the audit, which they had warned could get real expensive real fast (even Mason admitted it could cost as much as a million dollars) Lockett would just remember something else he needed to add to the list. Oh, and the Land Bank transfer. Throw that in, too. (He tried, but apparently the transfer hasn’t actually occurred yet, which made adding it to the list a tad problematic, since you can’t really audit something that hasn’t happened). Lockett was so full of the Festivus spirit that he seemed unwilling to believe that the city would have to pay the high-priced outside lawyers for their time should the comprehensive forensic audit actually move forward. Maybe he thought the high-priced bond attorneys would be moved by the spirit of the holiday and forgo their billable hours. It’s a Festivus Miracle! And as far as the object of it all goes — the search for criminal activity — Lockett failed to see what the staff — heathens who obviously have reasons to fear Festivus (ask Tom Beck how he feels about the airing of grievances) — was gently trying to tell him. It’s not enough that something smells fishy, there’s got to be at least some evidence of a smoking gun before you can legitimately unleash a forensic audit, and so far they haven’t been able to do that. The Festivus Pole, though. They’ve managed to plant that one squarely in the center of the commission chambers.You Might Also Like: