More Like Us, and Them, than You Think
This past Friday, during a Q & A in Fulton, Missouri, somehow-still-presidential-candidate Rick Santorum told a gay man (into a microphone, in front of halfway-sane people, no less) that “[marriage] is not a right,” and that “it is not the same relationship that benefits society like a marriage between a man and a woman” (thinkprogress.org).
Now, the fact that this linguistic equivalent of rooster s**t came out of Santorum’s mouth should come as a surprise to few — Santorum says bigoted, ignorant things so often and with such confidence, it’s like some jester god afflicted him with the most elegant form of Tourette’s ever.
And it’s not just him. The GOP candidates recycle the same fallacy-riddled, inane talking points so many times, I’m starting to think Gingrich has some sort of points reward credit card that gives him 3 percent cash back every time he squawks “liberal media.” Apropos of nothing, I’d also like to remind everyone that Gingrich looks like a fanboy tried to make a replica of Jabba the Hutt using horse feed, mayonnaise and voodoo.
But we know full well that the GOP and the fringe base to which they cater are greedy, out-of-touch dickweeds. What I’ve discovered over the years, though, is that there are other people — seemingly normal, talented, even artistic people — who wholeheartedly support this traveling, coiffured freak show, or at least their agenda. I still (kind of) respect the work of these folks, but seriously… go to hell.
Adam Corolla
Key Quote: “’Cause I bust my ass, that’s why. Or maybe I’m just genetically better than you… so shut the f*** up and get the f*** back to work.”
That’s what Corolla had to say about the Occupy movement back in December. Now look, Adam Corolla’s always been sort of a dick. It’s his thing, and I get it. He was the smirking, horse-toothed asshole foil to Dr. Drew on “Loveline,” a bygone MTV show that combined the confused sexual insanity of Jerry Springer with the fervor of a Quaker church service.
He also hosted The Man Show, so expectations for his intellect and compassion were never lofty. Still, he’s always seemed sort of self-deprecating, and generally kills at the Comedy Central Roasts.
But this crosses the dick line. It consistently baffles me that so many people don’t understand that the amount of effort you put into your work doesn’t directly translate to an equal measure of success. If that were true, Larry the Cable Guy would be an out-of-work pig inseminator, and I would be Poet Laureate in five years.
Besides, the Occupy movement is about bad, crony capitalism, not a lackadaisical citizenry. If Corolla had been career-age during Martin Luther King’s time, he’d have been bewildered at the nature of the sit-ins, and would have blamed black people for lacking the initiative to cover themselves in chalk dust just to get a freaking sandwich.
Frank Miller
Key Quote: “This is no popular uprising. This is garbage. And goodness knows they’re spewing their garbage — both politically and physically — every which way they can find. Wake up, pond scum. America is at war against a ruthless enemy.”
You tell ‘em, Frank! God, it’s so good to see someone semi-mainstream finally calling the Tea Partiers on their nonsense. These teabaggy, colonial cosplayers have been stinking up the political scene with their garish brand of ADHD bigotry, and… what? That quote up there is referring to the Occupy movement? Hm. Well, suck it, then.
As if Miller hadn’t already racked up enough bad karma from his film adaptation of “The Spirit,” he goes and does this. It’s like logic itself got a head injury.
And in case you were wondering, yes, the “ruthless enemy” means Muslims (Miller translation: turban-wearin’ brown people), which has, like, nothing to do with Occupy in the first place. You’d sooner see Tom Hanks not shitting Oscars.
The whole thing may just be a furtive grasp at promoting Miller’s new comic “Holy Terror,” in which a Batman knockoff single-handedly uses Krav Maga to kill the Taliban. Which… okay, might be awesome.
Jon Voigt
Key Quote: “I’m here to validate all the millions of people who are opposed to the Obama healthcare. We’re witnessing a slow and steady takeover of our true freedoms. We’re becoming a socialist nation, and Obama is causing civil unrest in this country…”
No. No, this can’t be right. Jon Voigt is the man. His onscreen resume reads like a tacklebox full of Oscar bait: “Midnight Cowboy,” “Deliverance,” “Ali,” “Heat,” “Mission: Impossible” and others.
And hell, it’s even fine that he’s spent the last few years playing Nic Cage’s father and engaging in forced slapstick with Helen Mirren in the “National Treasure” series. The man has played gigolos, soldiers, a pope, a WW2 freedom fighter and the only person to ever match wits with Muhammad Ali. He was Spielberg’s first choice to play Quint in “Jaws,” for the love of god.
This is a guy who read a screenplay that involved getting bitten in half right before a giant murder-shark is blown up via compressed oxygen and shotgun, and said “No, that’s not badass enough.”
And then, well, he started using his own words. He’s renounced his early roles and anti-war years as a product of a failed hippie zeitgeist that “refused to recognize evil.” Okay, that maybe holds some water. But in the same breath, he blames it on “Marxist propaganda,” which has about as much to do with the true core of the hippie movement as, well, modern-day hippies.
Elsewhere, he goes into full crotchety-old-man mode, complaining about Obama “telling us what cars to drive” and using “radical Chicago tactics,” which is not even a specific thing, unless Obama is secretly using Kevin Costner to throw his enemies off of courthouse roofs and utter one-liners. Which I can get behind.
Look, maybe it’s unfair of me to call these three individuals out. Surely there are other examples in the general citizenry who are exponentially more closed-minded and partisan, considerably more dangerous to the national dialogue. But these actors and comedians have a platform: radio, television, film, etc. Their words and endorsements, whether they should or not, carry more weight than those of the average person, and when high-profile celebrities start engaging in this sort of knee-jerk social conservatism, it only serves to legitimize the lowest common denominator of political interaction.
You Might Also Like:
