Since I don’t know her name, this can’t count as libel, so I’m gonna go ahead and assume this woman has a six-foot poster of beef brisket tacked to the ceiling above her bed.
Rush Limbaugh is made of lard and Satan is what I’m saying.
This party can’t even get their talking points straight. Rush calls for women who use birth control to film themselves screwing, but Rick Santorum wants to ban pornography. That’s like doppelganger Michael Bay telling real Michael Bay to not explode pyramids with racist Volkswagens. Everyone is this paragraph makes the case for chemical castration.
But for every ultra-reactionary firebrand in the GOP, there is a surprisingly sound-minded, socially moderate conservative who is doing his or her best to either undo the PR damage or just ride this trend out until the rest of the party is raptured to Mordor. And I’d like to tell you a little more about one of them.
S.E. Cupp is a writer, pundit and stone-cold hottie who works or has worked for Fox and Friends, the Daily News, Sean Hannity and Live with Megyn Kelly. Glen Beck even signed a few of her paychecks, which at this point for conservatives is the kind of thing you’re not sure whether you should emblazon on your resume, or bury it in the “Miscellaneous” section along with church membership and hippie-punching.
With her youth, subtly-dyed red hair and just-oversized-enough glasses, she’s also the best chance Republicans have to attract a hipster crowd. Still, though, see “hermaphroditic unicorns” above.
She’s also pretty sharp, and knows how to navigate an argument without resorting to inflammatory rhetoric or an improper use of Jesus. She’s a frequent panelist — read, token conservative — on MSNBC’s Now with Alex Wagner, so she definitely doesn’t shy away from being ideologically tested. What’s sad is that, as a member of the media, she makes most of her living pushing a right-wing agenda. And that includes most of the crazy-talk. In that regard, she does herself no favors, but she’s stuck between a rock and a bigger, dumber rock.
Prime example: recently, on Wagner’s show, a left-leaning author (who, apropos of nothing, looked sort of like a highly-chromosomed Taylor Lautner) came on to promote his book, the thesis of which was that conservatives, as a whole, are much more mistrustful of science and the scientific process than liberals are. And it seemed like a self-evident truth: a laughably large percentage of conservative pundits and politicians continue to express doubt regarding evolution as verifiable human history, as well as humanity’s contributions to global warming and various environmental crises. Usually because the Bible. And big-oil party contributions.
This is printed media, so we can’t imbed video because A) I’m not a sorcerer, B) even if I were, I’m too lazy to figure out how to use screen grabs and C) I obviously think technology and magic are the same thing, and am therefore way too high to be trusted. In lieu of visual representation, though, I’ll do my best to chronicle the tragic, awkward, hilarious way S.E. tries to deal with this situation.
As the author is beginning to delve into his thesis, we begin to hear some trills of indignation from off-screen. Wagner refers to them as “giggles,” but they sound more like the guffawing smirks of a bully reacting to the fact that you just called him a bully. They are coming from Cupp, and Wagner asks her to respond.
Cupp, who has obviously been perfecting her Ann Coulter impersonation — minus stretching a Skeletor mask over her face and stapling it to the back of her head — first points out how insulting this is to the intelligence of a party that puts its trust in evolution deniers, woman-haters, climate skeptics and Young Earth theorists. It is at this point that the good inside of Cupp begins to suffocate and claw at her ribcage.
Cupp’s argument is that the spirit of the scientific process has always been based on skepticism, and the guest’s book is therefore hypocritical and antithetical to the very ideas it claims to espouse. This is a good argument in much the same way that cancer is a good weight-loss program. Both Wagner and the author do their best to tell her why; i.e., that what the book criticizes is not the very concept of skepticism, but rather the steadfast refusal to acknowledge repeatedly proven fact. Cupp, in what can only be an attempt to blend in with her Republican colleagues, acts indignant and repeats her argument, nearly word for word.
God, having a beer in Heaven, rage-clenches his pint glass so hard that it shatters.
The sad thing is that if you watch Cupp’s face throughout the whole thing, her bulls**t sonar is obviously screeching at her own brain every time she speaks. The woman went to Cornell, is a classically trained ballet dancer and is an avowed atheist. And this type of behavior is only typical of her when the GOP as a whole are attacked.
In previous appearances, she’s taken people like Santorum and Limbaugh to task for their words and actions. In the name of livelihood, however, she — like a good many of us — falls lockstep, and becomes another grain of static. An abyss, gazing at its own navel.You Might Also Like:
The One Conservative Who Deserves Your Sympathy
I crack a lot of jokes in this space at the expense of Republicans. And even if your most important daily decision is choosing which American flag-print necktie to wear, you can hardly blame me, especially given our current political climate.
Rush Limbaugh can express his porky, sweaty desire to watch Sandra Fluke get rear-ended on camera, and not only isn’t he kicked off the air and forced to have his balls dipped in molten lead, but he’s freaking lionized for it. When (admittedly dickish) liberal pundit Martin Bashir dared to call Limbaugh out on it, a female Limbaugh fan — who are somehow less rare than hermaphroditic unicorns — lambasted Bashir, calling him a “little girl” and asserting that Limbaugh was “a real man.”
Since I don’t know her name, this can’t count as libel, so I’m gonna go ahead and assume this woman has a six-foot poster of beef brisket tacked to the ceiling above her bed.
Rush Limbaugh is made of lard and Satan is what I’m saying.
This party can’t even get their talking points straight. Rush calls for women who use birth control to film themselves screwing, but Rick Santorum wants to ban pornography. That’s like doppelganger Michael Bay telling real Michael Bay to not explode pyramids with racist Volkswagens. Everyone is this paragraph makes the case for chemical castration.
But for every ultra-reactionary firebrand in the GOP, there is a surprisingly sound-minded, socially moderate conservative who is doing his or her best to either undo the PR damage or just ride this trend out until the rest of the party is raptured to Mordor. And I’d like to tell you a little more about one of them.
S.E. Cupp is a writer, pundit and stone-cold hottie who works or has worked for Fox and Friends, the Daily News, Sean Hannity and Live with Megyn Kelly. Glen Beck even signed a few of her paychecks, which at this point for conservatives is the kind of thing you’re not sure whether you should emblazon on your resume, or bury it in the “Miscellaneous” section along with church membership and hippie-punching.
With her youth, subtly-dyed red hair and just-oversized-enough glasses, she’s also the best chance Republicans have to attract a hipster crowd. Still, though, see “hermaphroditic unicorns” above.
She’s also pretty sharp, and knows how to navigate an argument without resorting to inflammatory rhetoric or an improper use of Jesus. She’s a frequent panelist — read, token conservative — on MSNBC’s Now with Alex Wagner, so she definitely doesn’t shy away from being ideologically tested. What’s sad is that, as a member of the media, she makes most of her living pushing a right-wing agenda. And that includes most of the crazy-talk. In that regard, she does herself no favors, but she’s stuck between a rock and a bigger, dumber rock.
Prime example: recently, on Wagner’s show, a left-leaning author (who, apropos of nothing, looked sort of like a highly-chromosomed Taylor Lautner) came on to promote his book, the thesis of which was that conservatives, as a whole, are much more mistrustful of science and the scientific process than liberals are. And it seemed like a self-evident truth: a laughably large percentage of conservative pundits and politicians continue to express doubt regarding evolution as verifiable human history, as well as humanity’s contributions to global warming and various environmental crises. Usually because the Bible. And big-oil party contributions.
This is printed media, so we can’t imbed video because A) I’m not a sorcerer, B) even if I were, I’m too lazy to figure out how to use screen grabs and C) I obviously think technology and magic are the same thing, and am therefore way too high to be trusted. In lieu of visual representation, though, I’ll do my best to chronicle the tragic, awkward, hilarious way S.E. tries to deal with this situation.
As the author is beginning to delve into his thesis, we begin to hear some trills of indignation from off-screen. Wagner refers to them as “giggles,” but they sound more like the guffawing smirks of a bully reacting to the fact that you just called him a bully. They are coming from Cupp, and Wagner asks her to respond.
Cupp, who has obviously been perfecting her Ann Coulter impersonation — minus stretching a Skeletor mask over her face and stapling it to the back of her head — first points out how insulting this is to the intelligence of a party that puts its trust in evolution deniers, woman-haters, climate skeptics and Young Earth theorists. It is at this point that the good inside of Cupp begins to suffocate and claw at her ribcage.
Cupp’s argument is that the spirit of the scientific process has always been based on skepticism, and the guest’s book is therefore hypocritical and antithetical to the very ideas it claims to espouse. This is a good argument in much the same way that cancer is a good weight-loss program. Both Wagner and the author do their best to tell her why; i.e., that what the book criticizes is not the very concept of skepticism, but rather the steadfast refusal to acknowledge repeatedly proven fact. Cupp, in what can only be an attempt to blend in with her Republican colleagues, acts indignant and repeats her argument, nearly word for word.
God, having a beer in Heaven, rage-clenches his pint glass so hard that it shatters.
The sad thing is that if you watch Cupp’s face throughout the whole thing, her bulls**t sonar is obviously screeching at her own brain every time she speaks. The woman went to Cornell, is a classically trained ballet dancer and is an avowed atheist. And this type of behavior is only typical of her when the GOP as a whole are attacked.
In previous appearances, she’s taken people like Santorum and Limbaugh to task for their words and actions. In the name of livelihood, however, she — like a good many of us — falls lockstep, and becomes another grain of static. An abyss, gazing at its own navel.You Might Also Like:
Since I don’t know her name, this can’t count as libel, so I’m gonna go ahead and assume this woman has a six-foot poster of beef brisket tacked to the ceiling above her bed.
Rush Limbaugh is made of lard and Satan is what I’m saying.
This party can’t even get their talking points straight. Rush calls for women who use birth control to film themselves screwing, but Rick Santorum wants to ban pornography. That’s like doppelganger Michael Bay telling real Michael Bay to not explode pyramids with racist Volkswagens. Everyone is this paragraph makes the case for chemical castration.
But for every ultra-reactionary firebrand in the GOP, there is a surprisingly sound-minded, socially moderate conservative who is doing his or her best to either undo the PR damage or just ride this trend out until the rest of the party is raptured to Mordor. And I’d like to tell you a little more about one of them.
S.E. Cupp is a writer, pundit and stone-cold hottie who works or has worked for Fox and Friends, the Daily News, Sean Hannity and Live with Megyn Kelly. Glen Beck even signed a few of her paychecks, which at this point for conservatives is the kind of thing you’re not sure whether you should emblazon on your resume, or bury it in the “Miscellaneous” section along with church membership and hippie-punching.
With her youth, subtly-dyed red hair and just-oversized-enough glasses, she’s also the best chance Republicans have to attract a hipster crowd. Still, though, see “hermaphroditic unicorns” above.
She’s also pretty sharp, and knows how to navigate an argument without resorting to inflammatory rhetoric or an improper use of Jesus. She’s a frequent panelist — read, token conservative — on MSNBC’s Now with Alex Wagner, so she definitely doesn’t shy away from being ideologically tested. What’s sad is that, as a member of the media, she makes most of her living pushing a right-wing agenda. And that includes most of the crazy-talk. In that regard, she does herself no favors, but she’s stuck between a rock and a bigger, dumber rock.
Prime example: recently, on Wagner’s show, a left-leaning author (who, apropos of nothing, looked sort of like a highly-chromosomed Taylor Lautner) came on to promote his book, the thesis of which was that conservatives, as a whole, are much more mistrustful of science and the scientific process than liberals are. And it seemed like a self-evident truth: a laughably large percentage of conservative pundits and politicians continue to express doubt regarding evolution as verifiable human history, as well as humanity’s contributions to global warming and various environmental crises. Usually because the Bible. And big-oil party contributions.
This is printed media, so we can’t imbed video because A) I’m not a sorcerer, B) even if I were, I’m too lazy to figure out how to use screen grabs and C) I obviously think technology and magic are the same thing, and am therefore way too high to be trusted. In lieu of visual representation, though, I’ll do my best to chronicle the tragic, awkward, hilarious way S.E. tries to deal with this situation.
As the author is beginning to delve into his thesis, we begin to hear some trills of indignation from off-screen. Wagner refers to them as “giggles,” but they sound more like the guffawing smirks of a bully reacting to the fact that you just called him a bully. They are coming from Cupp, and Wagner asks her to respond.
Cupp, who has obviously been perfecting her Ann Coulter impersonation — minus stretching a Skeletor mask over her face and stapling it to the back of her head — first points out how insulting this is to the intelligence of a party that puts its trust in evolution deniers, woman-haters, climate skeptics and Young Earth theorists. It is at this point that the good inside of Cupp begins to suffocate and claw at her ribcage.
Cupp’s argument is that the spirit of the scientific process has always been based on skepticism, and the guest’s book is therefore hypocritical and antithetical to the very ideas it claims to espouse. This is a good argument in much the same way that cancer is a good weight-loss program. Both Wagner and the author do their best to tell her why; i.e., that what the book criticizes is not the very concept of skepticism, but rather the steadfast refusal to acknowledge repeatedly proven fact. Cupp, in what can only be an attempt to blend in with her Republican colleagues, acts indignant and repeats her argument, nearly word for word.
God, having a beer in Heaven, rage-clenches his pint glass so hard that it shatters.
The sad thing is that if you watch Cupp’s face throughout the whole thing, her bulls**t sonar is obviously screeching at her own brain every time she speaks. The woman went to Cornell, is a classically trained ballet dancer and is an avowed atheist. And this type of behavior is only typical of her when the GOP as a whole are attacked.
In previous appearances, she’s taken people like Santorum and Limbaugh to task for their words and actions. In the name of livelihood, however, she — like a good many of us — falls lockstep, and becomes another grain of static. An abyss, gazing at its own navel.You Might Also Like:
Posted in Ruffin' It