The Worlds Longest Whine

Usually, when the Metro Spirit receive diatribe of this length, we print it as a letter to the editor. When something arrives anonymously via fax with the sender’s number erased from the pages, however, you know you have something special. So enjoy the world’s longest whine.   As I read with utter disbelief Lori Davis’s paranoid ravings in the January 26 Metro Spirit article, I couldn’t help thinking about one of history’s most important lessons, to wit: Whenever lunacy is combined with overzealousness, excessive ego and the gift of persuasion, you have the perfect recipe for disaster. Let’s examine Davis’s accusations. This is somewhat difficult inasmuch as she is a master of innuendo; nonetheless, it’s worth a try. And frankly, she richly deserves something resembling a rebuttal. I pray The Spirit takes the journalistic high road and allows that to happen. If we take Davis’s statements at face value, there is a “Cabal;” presumably having secret late night meetings, sipping Jack Daniels and smoking Cuban cigars in sumptuously-appointed chambers in Summerville, developing a diabolically sinister master plan for Harrisburg. The “Cabal” includes very wealthy entrepreneurs, church groups, country clubs, utility companies and elected local, state and federal officers; as well as various and sundry public servants, including but not limited to law enforcement, city planners, law enforcement officers, the dog catcher and others. Oh, and lest we forget, The Augusta Chronicle, landlords, slumlords, pimps and drug-peddlers. If I’ve left anyone out, mea culpa. Anyway, they’re all in this together. The “Cabal” is even allowing crime to run rampant in Harrisburg in order to qualify for special grants to further line their pockets!!! (Yes, she actually said that.) (Is anyone out there in the real world starting to pick up just a faint whiff of the aforementioned lunacy here?) Take into account that (in Lori Davis-land anyway) the country’s overall economy, inflation, the recession, the mortgage crisis, joblessness, stock market instability, etc., have had nothing whatsoever to do with falling property values in Harrisburg. If we are to buy into the grand conspiracy afoot here in Augusta, undervalued Harrisburg properties are furtively scooped up by “shell” LLCs backed by big money, thanks in large part to the previously mentioned and carefully engineered Diabolically Sinister Master Plan. And just what nefarious plans do the greedy rich have in mind for said ill-forgotten properties? Brothels, perhaps? Group homes for the criminally insane? Steel mills? Smelly pig farms? Or, will dilapidated eyesores be torn down and new residential dwellings built? Maybe some of the evil entrepreneurs are thinking of starting businesses in Harrisburg! Oh no! Not THAT! Heaven and Lori Davis forbid that attractive storefronts, jobs, tax revenue, charm and convenience establish a stronghold in her neighborhood; really awful stuff like coffee shops, tea houses, bakeries, spas and hair salons, cozy little sidewalk cafes, restaurants, antique stores, dress shops, florists, etc. You know, what most communities yearn for in order to thrive. Alas, in Lori-Davis land, no good deed goes unpunished. “Off with their heads!” she screams. “I’m going to file lawsuits! I’m going to get people fired! They’re afraid of me! I’m afraid of them because I’m getting threats! My Harrisburg flags were stolen as retribution by the ‘Cabal!’” (Note: Flag thefts at neighboring homes and occurring during the same time period were caught on surveillance camera. The flags were stolen by a teenage boy who lives in the neighborhood. A member of the “Junior Cabal?”) And this is really scary: “And, by God,” Davis announces, “you’d better look out… because I’M packing!” Okaaaay. (This is where we cue the Twilight Zone theme). More “biting the hand that feeds” from Lori and her merry band: “The KROC is a crock! It’s not good enough. It’s not doing enough quickly enough! It costs too much! Only rich Summerville people go there! They didn’t invite me to be on their advisory board! I’M canceling my membership. Whaaaah!” But wait. There’s more: “The Fuller Center for Housing and Clay Boardman’s Turn Back the Block is a scam! It’s just a get-rich scheme to line the pockets of millionaires!” (Er. Note to Lori: It is political suicide to ever attack a reputable, Christian faith-based organization which has performed well-documented good works around the world. File that one away.) So what if hundreds of thousands of dollars will go to upgrade homes and provide individuals low-cost loans so that they might enjoy the pride and privilege of home ownership? So what if former crack houses are turned into homes for families? So what if, as a result of all this, the crime rate drops and property values increase? Uh, isn’t that what we all want for Harrisburg? SO WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU REALLY WANT, MRS. DAVIS? Pay a visit to the social networking or internet sites (Augusta Today on Facebook or citystink.net) where Davis is a prominent participant, and take some time to read the posts, comments and articles like those (paraphrased) above. Believe me. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. Consider the overall “theme” of the commentary by like-minded individuals who, like Davis, seem to all be the riding the tail of the same comet into outer space. They despise and distrust the wealthy. They despise and distrust government and elected officials. They want change but they only want it on their terms. Everything is a conspiracy. If anyone disagrees with them, look out. You’re the enemy and fair game for name-calling, character assassination, insults, etc. These are not nice people. Worst of all, Davis is an outright liar. In short, this crowd would be a psychiatrist’s dream. I have a theory. Well, a few. Davis doesn’t like it when someone steals her thunder (especially if the thunder-stealer is a well-connected businessman who seems to know how to get it done and get it done right). Having said that, I also theorize that her initial intentions were honorable, but somewhere along the line, that little choo-choo ran off the track. I believer that Davis has used The Harrisburg-West End Neighborhood Association (she’s the current prez) as nothing more than a front for soapboxing and self-promotion as a (failed, Thank God) political candidate. My advice to the neighborhood association’s members, before they take that final sip of kool-aid, is this: Ask yourselves some important questions. Do the tactics employed by Davis and her little gang create tangible solutions for Harrisburg? Or do they only contribute to the problems? My second piece of advice is that you folks give thoughtful consideration to hitching your wagons to the stars that are really doing something in Harrisburg to create positive change, The current wagon is driven by whiners whose modus operandi is to alienate and launch smear campaigns against the very people, charities, churches and agencies that help Harrisburg. No-brainer, oui? Oh, and just a little aside. The Harrisburg-West End Neighborhood Association, registered as a nonprofit organization with the Georgia Secretary of State, seems to have forgotten to file its required annual federal tax return in 2010 under Lori Davis’ leadership. That’s pretty interesting seeing as (according to the interview). She’s a “T-crosser and an I-dotter.” Oops! Maybe some concerned citizens need to examine her records! I’m not about to sign my name to this letter because I have no intention of being put squarely in the sights of an individual who might, with her next hot flash, decide to grab her pistol she’s so proud of and go postal on me. Nor do I wish for me or any member of my family, my business associates or my friends to become an internet target of Davis and her lunatic-fringe associates, the “City Stinkers.” And don’t think for one minute that wouldn’t happen. I am hopeful, however, that you’ll print this letter in its entirety. It’s only fair.You Might Also Like: